After all we’re only human,
always fighting what we’re feeling,
hurt instead of healing,
after all we’re only human,
is there any other reason why we stay instead of leavin’ after all
now i understand what they mean when they tell me 'its too early to tell'. weeks back id say with 100% certainty that i would return to singapore in the end.
its not that i like melbourne any better, because i dont, i hate being here in the cold & alone in my room. i hate having to check my back every 5 minutes when i walk home at night - all the crime shows on tv are starting to get to me. i dont like the clubs. i dont like my place, small & annoying. in all, i really hate this place!
but if i could head to canada after to be with my sister, i just might. what i really want now is my family, whatever that's left of it. i know its broken and has been for the past 2 years. But in the end they're the only constant i have. whether or not they come as 5 individual pieces or as a whole, i know they're the people that will always be there.
I'm fully aware of the amount of pain my mother put herself through just to ensure we have two parents around to grow up with. I'm fully aware of how tired my father is, to put up with whats been thrown at him, for my siblings & myself. I used to be so angry they put us through what was supposed to be between them, I hated them both for making me suffer alongside by both confiding in me. I was so fucking frustrated how they'd try to manipulate me & force me in a corner, asking me to pick a side. For the amount of tears I shed, for taking away my happy family, for destroying my belief in marriages, I hated them for all of that.
I see now, that it wasn't easy for them either, and all they needed was a hand to hold and shoulder to lie on. They were running scared of the thought that they just might lose one of us for good because of what they had put us through & didn't know how to deal with it.
I'm no longer shamed by the fact that my family isn't ideal anymore, like how it once used to be. Because its tough living under the same roof with someone you once used to love so deeply but now instead runs with hate, yet thats what they've been trying to do, so that we can go back to something thats complete.
But if ever one day they want to let go, because the burden gets too heavy, I'll understand. After the pain & anguish, in the end, we'll all understand.
i love you.mummy&daddy,brother&sister <3
for trying & not giving up,
for telling me to be strong,
for being strong yourself,
& everything you've done till today.
